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Archive for June, 2010

Scared to Retest

I haven’t POAS since Friday … today is 15 dpo if I ovulated when I think I did (which I based on EWCM).  I hate that because I have PCOS being “late” doesn’t mean anything, it could just mean that I didn’t ovulate.  My only hope is that I did take the femara this month so I have a good chance the EWCM was ovulation.

AF still hasn’t shown up and I don’t feel any “signs” of her as well.  I am very tired.  I originally thought it was from a full weekend of activity, but now I am starting to wonder a little.  I have also been queasy the last 3 days.  Not throwing up, just an unsettled kind of feeling.  The fertility friend pregnancy predictor gives me 68pts out of 100pts.

I hate to get my hopes up and get another BFN.  This is our last month of “TRYING”.  We have a big work convention next year that I need to attend, and being pregnant wouldn’t work (having a baby would actually be easier).  So this really feels like now or never (or maybe much later).

I don’t think I could emotionally take a BFN right now, after the announcement my “co-worker” made on Sunday.  She and I would have about the same due date.  Her pregnancy would be a forever reminder of our last cycle that didn’t work.  I hate feeling like the one left behind.

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Another one really (a vent)

On Friday my appt had to be rescheduled because of a surgery. I decided to test at home with the 1 FRER that I had under the counter. Friday was 11 dpo. It was negative.

I haven’t retested yet, it is day 27 and AF still isn’t here. BUT…

This morning at church one of my co-workers announced that she POAS yesterday and she is pregnant.

She just got her IUD out 2 months ago. This was her first cycle since the IUD removal.

Of course she has no idea that we are TTC and having infertility problems …. but really did she have to talk about it NON STOP for the hour we worked together. I started crying the minute she left the room. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. Every comment she made was like a stab in my heart.

THEN, I had to go help throw the baby shower for one of my good friends. At least there was only 2 other pregnant guests at the party. I had prepared for the party emotionally, but with the blow in the morning I was much more sensitive.

I held it together till the end of the shower then has a little cry with two of my girls. It helped … as did the slice of Chocolate Fudge cake!

I have decided two things:
#1 – If AF stays away, I am not retesting till my appointment on Friday.

#2 – This will be our last cycle with MA. I will continue on the Met, but I will not be taking Femara or Provera anymore.

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A Call Back!

This morning my midwife’s PA called me back. I hate talking to this PA. I feel like she never knows who I am when I call and she always sounds confused. I usually end up needing to talk to my midwife anyway because the PA never knows the answers to my questions.

My midwife said the little amount of blood/spotting probably isn’t my period, since it isn’t a full flow yet. She still wants to see me on Friday for my appointment. She said she would run a pregnancy test and go from there. If I am still spotting then she probably won’t be able to do the pap. Hopefully the test will be a BFP, but I am trying not to get my hopes up.

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I thought I was going to see a funny comedy/action movie with my hubby last night. I wanted to get out of the house and just have a nice time.  He let me pick the movie, and given the options out right now I picked Killers. Overall I think it was a good movie. I enjoy Katherine Heigl in almost anything, and Ashton Kutcher didn’t make my skin crawl in this role, so that part was nice. I was a little surprised by the story line though. The synopsis on IMDb was very brief:

A vacationing woman meets her ideal man, leading to a swift marriage. Back at home, however, their idyllic life is upset when they discover their neighbors could be assassins who have been contracted to kill the couple.

Imagine my surprise when a plot twist throws in a POAS scene that ends with the FRER showing two bright pink lines.  Yes my infertile friends … they threw in an “accidental” pregnancy.  Talk about being blind sided. I even went looking at other spoilers this morning trying to see if anyone else wrote about this plot twist and couldn’t find one.

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Red Light/Green Light

As a child did you play red light/green light? One person is “it” and they call green light for all the other kids to run towards him. Then yells red light and everyone has to stop. If you keep moving on the red light then you are sent back to the beginning. The first one to reach the person that is “It” wins.

I feel like I am playing a game of IF red light/ green light.

We have been waiting and waiting for the green light (ovulation). With PCOS there have been many false starts. I think we have the green light so we start moving forward, then we are sent back to the beginning. Another false start, no ovulation. It has been difficult to say the least.

I thought we finally got a real green light this month, I actually had some EWCM this month with femara. The first time in months. We tried really hard to get to the finish line before the red light was called. We BD’d just like we were supposed too and had a good feeling about this cycle. We were going to get to the end and see a BFP!

Well, I think we may have a red light. At first I thought maybe it was just implantation bleeding. It happened the first time on 6 dpo. I tried not to get my hopes up. There was nothing the rest of the day.

On 7 dpo I woke up feeling good. Got to work, and there is was again!! WTH?

All day I was on Dr. Google trying to figure out what was going on. Why am I bleeding/spotting ? Is AF arriving a week early, I am only on CD22!?!?  Is it bleeding from the BD’ing?

It went from bright red, to pink to nothing by the afternoon. I put on a pantyliner just in case. By bedtime there was nothing on it, so I got ready for bed. I had a hard time falling asleep.

Are we still in the game or are we being sent back to the beginning?

I woke up this morning on 8 dpo. I only have one FRER HPT under the counter and I know it is too early, so I didn’t want to waste it. There was no red blood … until I got to the office.  There it was again.  The last two days I didn’t have any AF symptoms.  No cramping, no moodiness, no acne.  Well, today I have had some cramps.

I have called my midwife because I had an appointment for my early PAP on Friday.  If this is AF arriving, then I need to cancel/postpone that appointment.  I also want to know why I had such a short cycle?

Dr. Google has lots of stories of healthy pregnancies with bleeding … but they have all been AFTER the positive HPT.  It is still too early for me to take one.  It doesn’t look good for this round of red light/green light.  I know other people (on blogs and IRL) are playing this round.  I am sure one of them will reach the end before I do.  I just hope it isn’t one of the people IRL.

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The Sweetest Cake

Sunday Mr. B and I were invited to his best friend’s house for a BBQ.  I can’t show up empty handed and I always try to bring something new.  I told them we would bring a salad and dessert.

I already had a craving for some Tri-Color pasta salad, so I made up a quick batch.  The thing I love about this salad is that you can put in whatever veggies you like and leave out the others that you don’t like.  I made mine with red bell pepper, english cucumber, olives and some green onion.  I also used an italian dressing with some aged romano cheese already in the dressing.  It turned out delish!  I wish I could say it was the hit of the party, but it wasn’t.  I think only 2-3 other people besides myself ate the salad.  That is okay, I don’t mind having the leftover’s in my fridge.  I think it will be part of my dinner tonight!

For dessert I decided on a cake I had seen earlier in the week on another blog.  The recipe had my mouth watering, but I did not know just how sweet it would be.   This Carmel Cake has to be the sweetest cake on the planet.  It was a very simple recipe overall and only took about an hour and a half from start to finish.  I forgot to take a picture of my final cake, but it wasn’t really pretty.  Just a sheet cake with nuts on the top.  The good part is that the cake got a little more attention then my salad.  The bad part is that the cake only got about half eaten and we brought the rest home.  I don’t know how many calories or carbs are in this cake, and I am not sure I want to know.  I had more than a few fork fulls as a walked through the kitchen to the laundry room last night.

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What is this?

Ok, so this is gonna be TMI, but I need some insight please.  I believe today is 6DPO … I had EWCM on Tuesday morning, so I marked that as ovulation day.  I am definitely cycle day 21.  Mr. B and I were intimate yesterday morning and this morning.  I just got home from church and had bright red streaked CM when I wiped.  What could this be??  I hate to get my hopes up that it is implantation bleeding, but why else would I be spotting on Day 21?  My cycles have NEVER been that short.  Of course this happens on a Sunday AM when I can’t call my midwife.  So, please leave me a comment and give your best insight.  THANKS!

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